30th December – 1st January 2023

To celebrate the end of the old year and the start of the news we had taken full occupancy of a four bedroom luxury villa in Nuwara Eliya, on the hillside overlooking Gregory Lake.  Nuwara Eliya is known as Little England for good reason, and as our coach made its way up the steep driveway that is exactly where we felt that we had arrived – apart that is from the deep, reverberating bass notes pulsating out from a festival by the lake.  Never mind.

Met by an immaculately attired butler, dressed to the nines and with impeccably polished shoes we were shown inside where things turned out not to be as high end as the online brochure had indicated.  Threadbare and stained carpets and a general air of much maintenance being needed for all the coziness of old sofas that have lost their springs.  So much potential – and at a glance the bedrooms in particular looked lovely, but look properly and they were well past their best.

Never mind again; we were looked after with tea and coffee so settled down to complete the check-in paperwork.  “Anyone for a G&T?” I asked, and with replies in the positive our butler was asked to please oblige.  There followed a pause.  “We have no gin”.  Or as it turned out vodka, whisky – or anything apart from tea, coffee or tap water.  Not quite what we expected, the butler even bringing his personal bottle of Coke for the children.

Thankfully, I’d booked us in to the amazing Heritance Tea Factory Hotel for dinner, this being the first hotel I ever stayed at on the island having arrived for the weekend before my first business trip all those years ago.   The booking service even included the head waiter, Nuwan, afterwards calling me back from his personal mobile phone “just so you have my number if you need me, Sir.”  Impeccable – and as it turned out, invaluable.   

As the name implies, the hotel was originally a tea processing factory and still has driveshafts, belts and even the original steam engine in place.  The engine has been converted to electrical power now and is started up several times a day for the guests to watch.  The floors are all polished dark hardwood with brass inlays.  Lovely.

The incredibly bumpy ride in pitch darkness was well worth it and we enjoyed a sumptuous evening of conversation, laughter, tasty food and a few games of snooker.  On the way back to Fawlty Towers, David suggested that we consider trying to book for the next evening – New Year’s Eve. 

Following a decidely dodgy breakfast (cold food, not always what was ordered, and served in bizarre manner) we decided that we were not going to get the gala dinner we’d paid for so I called my new friend Nuwan whilst also trying to negotiate a full refund of the gala dinner.

It all worked out, with both endeavours succeeding within a couple of minutes of each other whilst walking round the stables at the race course, and Emi getting ready for a ride.  

Nuwan was apologetic that it had taken some time to call back and confirm but he’d been able to fit us in as we were known to the hotel and had been complimentary of the night before.  I also thought I heard “President”, but couldn’t be certain as there was a loud noise in the background at the same time.

After a nice time at the race course and with a very happy Emi from her long ride we went for afternoon tea at the Grand Hotel, a walk around the town, and then to get ready for the evening.

Off we headed in the coach, back along the slow and bumpy road in pitch darkness – but this time with the headlights occasionally picking out special forces soldiers in the middle of nowhere.  President?

So it turned out to be!  Met at the door by Nuwan we had this confirmed, and an apology that the snooker table had unfortunately been reserved for his entourage!  Following aperitifs we were called through for dinner whilst a few hotel diners were finishing theirs, and not long aftwerwards in walked the president and sat at the table next to ours.  It turned out that we’d be the only guests to celebrate New Year with him and his party.  No wonder Nuwan had had to work to get us accepted!

Just before midnight, Everyone was asked to adjourn to the hotel lobby where the friendship lamp would be lit – as it turned out, not only by the president but some of us too, the candle being passed along with an invitation to step forwards to light the next oil taper.  A most surreal occasion, followed by the President holding conversation with David and myself, the former chat eliciting that the Camerons were on holiday in the South of the Island.

Fireworks followed, and the New Year was here.

Unfortunately, breakfast back at the villa was even more of shambles than the morning before (for example it took four goes to boil an egg) so we were rather glad that we had changed our plans.  I wondered when Manuel would be making an appearance!  “Meesta Fawlty! Meesta Fawlty!”

We parted with handshakes and on good terms as the problems each clearly stemmed from lack of investment – including to train staff –  and not because the staff were uncaring or negligent, but we won’t be returning.  It had still been expensive and there are plenty of other places that really do give five star service.  On the plus side, what an amazing coincidence!

Steve